Awareness

Awareness

I’m starting to feel more

And more the alien

And I wonder what took so long,

Because I am glad in here,

Like this,

But I am quite alone

And unfortunately for me

Loneliness is not a trend.

I have a hankering for

Life and all it has to offer,

Not just the mediocre norm,

But more,

All of it,

Every morsel,

Every wavelength…

I am the sophisticated wolf yet

I feel sorry for the sheep

And so my appetite is spoiled

And I find myself constantly bored.

I worry, then wonder,

Then I wonder why I worry.

I am objective like the compass

And the constellations,

I’m the overwhelming adverb,

I’m the doorbell and the question mark…

When I am down I’m my realist,

When I am up the world is an

Indescribable beauty.

(and I like to describe things)

I am the phoenix incinerated

And wiser, reborn and

Refreshed yet ever aware.

I am lost in the sanctity of life

And every direction they seem to point me

In leads to the evil…

So I just float,

I adhere to the moment,

I bathe in the glory that is this,

And I never forget the poor little sheep.

I will never forget the lost little sheep.

I know that their Shepard is 

Really the butcher,

Cleverly masked

In the innocence of the Machine,

But I’ve witnessed the greed,

That oh so fatal flaw,

And once I figure out how to destroy the butcher…

I will.

7/6/4

Not Distracted

Not Distracted

Point.

I lost the way of humanity through reason.

I’m still breathing,

I think that I’m still alive,

But it’s hard to tell in the distraction 

Of hundreds of thousands of you's,

All them their own individual strain of chaos,

Explosively depreciating our species

In the name of its own disintegrating presence.

I’ll fade like the 

Dawn and sunset,

Yet these questions will always be asked,

In many fashions of the way.

Why?

Truth.

Why?

Well, If I wanted my own disillusion,

I would have been a heroine addict,

But the here and now of the presence that is me

Said you are a fake.

You can not distract me you fucker of humanity,

I am immune from your concentrated conception of ignorance.

Counterpoint.

Final Recession

Final Recession

The tides receded rather gratefully from the punishing dark

Into a phosphorescent glow of the light.

When not in debt, worry never exceeds

Natural limits, only selection, and

The girl then can not break the weakening

Fortress that is your heart.

A mind cleared of drama is a mind worth thinking with..

9/24/2002

Caring

Caring

I wonder if she cares…

So hard to tell through the silence,

Or actually the indifference.

I feel like that split second of

Shock right as someone scares you,

But instead of a split second, I’m frozen

In that instant, floating, pondering, and

In the end reveling in the fact.

I’ll wonder and wait, imagining and hoping,

Patiently balancing the sides of this limbo.

I just wonder if she cares.

6/28/4

12:31am

Candisius

Candisius

Ghostly and Delicious

In black and red and silver too

Such mirrored thoughts

TorturedEnflamedScarred

And pissed off too…

Sacred to me.

One blood?

Perhaps in another experience…

Another lifetimes’ witful calling.

Obscure is our distance of body,

Exact is the pinpoint of mind.

Another of life’s’ trivial prose?

Whether the answer simple or no the question must still be put forth.

Strive on my ponderous mate…

Fore we are in the same tunnel,

You’re just a little further behind…

By birth

I am waiting,

Together we can fly…

1998

Lonely Infection

Lonely Infection

A massage made me this way, a portrait to nothing unparticular.

I’ll see y’all next life, next accent, next form of the “new” language, next form of this life.

Why can’t we be free and appreciate life now is the antagonized cry of the assistant’s child…

Where is my master?!

Life Interrupted

Life Interrupted

Hated and played,

Raped and betrayed.

Simple, not strong,

And I play not along.

I enter my the mysteries, 

I hurt from inside

Tonight. This fright

In my life is exploited,

Anointed. I’m him.

Love?

Not again. The same sing burning.

Inner yearning is mild and tired

Defiled, admired.

In my own right

I’m tired,

Can’t fight or think or look

So I sink with ink into the book.

Into the void, reflection destroyed.

Nothings intact, yet the rush had my back.

Life,

Interrupted…

My souls been corrupted

For better or good.

I live my way

Through the day

Like I think that I should.

6/6/2000