Monday, December 26, 2011

Awareness

Awareness

I’m starting to feel more
And more the alien
And I wonder what took so long,
Because I am glad in here,
Like this,
But I am quite alone
And unfortunately for me
Loneliness is not a trend.
I have a hankering for
Life and all it has to offer,
Not just the mediocre norm,
But more,
All of it,
Every morsel,
Every wavelength…
I am the sophisticated wolf yet
I feel sorry for the sheep
And so my appetite is spoiled
And I find myself constantly bored.
I worry, then wonder,
Then I wonder why I worry.
I am objective like the compass
And the constellations,
I’m the overwhelming adverb,
I’m the doorbell and the question mark…
When I am down I’m my realist,
When I am up the world is an
Indescribable beauty.
(and I like to describe things)
I am the phoenix incinerated
And wiser, reborn and
Refreshed yet ever aware.
I am lost in the sanctity of life
And every direction they seem to point me
In leads to the evil…
So I just float,
I adhere to the moment,
I bathe in the glory that is this,
And I never forget the poor little sheep.
I will never forget the lost little sheep.
I know that their Shepard is 
Really the butcher,
Cleverly masked
In the innocence of the Machine,
But I’ve witnessed the greed,
That oh so fatal flaw,
And once I figure out how to destroy the butcher…
I will.
7/6/4

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Not Distracted

Not Distracted

Point.
I lost the way of humanity through reason.
I’m still breathing,
I think that I’m still alive,
But it’s hard to tell in the distraction 
Of hundreds of thousands of you's,
All them their own individual strain of chaos,
Explosively depreciating our species
In the name of its own disintegrating presence.
I’ll fade like the 
Dawn and sunset,
Yet these questions will always be asked,
In many fashions of the way.
Why?
Truth.
Why?
Well, If I wanted my own disillusion,
I would have been a heroine addict,
But the here and now of the presence that is me
Said you are a fake.
You can not distract me you fucker of humanity,
I am immune from your concentrated conception of ignorance.
Counterpoint.

Final Recession

Final Recession

The tides receded rather gratefully from the punishing dark
Into a phosphorescent glow of the light.
When not in debt, worry never exceeds
Natural limits, only selection, and
The girl then can not break the weakening
Fortress that is your heart.
A mind cleared of drama is a mind worth thinking with..
9/24/2002

Caring

Caring

I wonder if she cares…
So hard to tell through the silence,
Or actually the indifference.
I feel like that split second of
Shock right as someone scares you,
But instead of a split second, I’m frozen
In that instant, floating, pondering, and
In the end reveling in the fact.
I’ll wonder and wait, imagining and hoping,
Patiently balancing the sides of this limbo.
I just wonder if she cares.
6/28/4
12:31am

Candisius

Candisius

Ghostly and Delicious
In black and red and silver too
Such mirrored thoughts
TorturedEnflamedScarred
And pissed off too…
Sacred to me.
One blood?
Perhaps in another experience…
Another lifetimes’ witful calling.
Obscure is our distance of body,
Exact is the pinpoint of mind.
Another of life’s’ trivial prose?
Whether the answer simple or no the question must still be put forth.
Strive on my ponderous mate…
Fore we are in the same tunnel,
You’re just a little further behind…
By birth
I am waiting,
Together we can fly…
1998

Lonely Infection

Lonely Infection

A massage made me this way, a portrait to nothing unparticular.
I’ll see y’all next life, next accent, next form of the “new” language, next form of this life.
Why can’t we be free and appreciate life now is the antagonized cry of the assistant’s child…
Where is my master?!

Life Interrupted

Life Interrupted

Hated and played,
Raped and betrayed.
Simple, not strong,
And I play not along.
I enter my the mysteries, 
I hurt from inside
Tonight. This fright
In my life is exploited,
Anointed. I’m him.
Love?
Not again. The same sing burning.
Inner yearning is mild and tired
Defiled, admired.
In my own right
I’m tired,
Can’t fight or think or look
So I sink with ink into the book.
Into the void, reflection destroyed.
Nothings intact, yet the rush had my back.
Life,
Interrupted…
My souls been corrupted
For better or good.
I live my way
Through the day
Like I think that I should.
6/6/2000

My Piece of Peace

My Piece of Peace

Around another curve,
Another stuttering apostrophe.
Self-destruction is how I measure the time,
And so I think that I might really be happy.
I am happy I see the misery of this existence,
I am not happy it is there, just happy that I see it.
I am glad I’ve let it infect and eventually
Control and become me,
Because now I am that misery,
And knowing is my happiness;
My peace.
Now a truly filtered day of reckoning for my soul.
I know that I no longer have anything to lose,
And this is my freedom,
This is what all of you,
As the complete organism of ignorance you apparently long to be,
Can never take away from me.
And so I finally laugh freely…
9-8-4

Little Room

Little Room

Hearts, eloquence,
A lock of dead pink hair
For company.
Stuck in my little room,
Me and your pictures and my thoughts.
A daydream occurs…
With the wind through our hair and
Our arms locked around our waist,
We lift weightlessly off the ground.
Rising toward the heavens, sinless and brave,
We cast off our bodies for the masses of power and greed,
Spirit again, the plan is once more ours to reveal,
Unmistakable in this form, impossible to the flesh.
Impossible to the flesh…
I awake in a sweat, still half entranced,
But I see your dead pink hair and remember
Who and what I am… but I can’t remember  
The plan, and all I can feel is this flesh.
It’s hot so I strip and look around my tiny little room for a comfort that doesn’t exist here.
I lay on the ground and stare at the ceiling, picturing your face in the texture
Of the walls. I wish that my room had a 
Door or even a window, fore I so miss
The blue of the skies
(the blue of your eyes)
the air is thick here and I remember the
freedom of weightlessness,
the intrigue of being complete.
I bloom from within and a realization
Slaps me surprisingly across the soul.
The room can not hold me, because there is no room.
There is only this plan…

Attending Suffrage

Attending Suffrage
I suffer you all, and I thank you profusely.
All the days of my life are dotted with your lives,
Your furies.
The blindness of the ways,
Imploring your attendance,
Measuring your acceptance,
And then finally striking.
A distracting millisecond that changes everything.
Now life is different.
You notice the attendance grows evermore,
So many with your striking resemblance,
So many with your open point of view.
“Never a cynic”, he says, “always a reverberation of the truth.”
The true truth, as if there could be some other…
I was told the world was conquered by distraction.
Sport. Drink. Pornography.
Meanwhile they talked us in to being slaves for comfort,
Then they outsourced and said, 
“you know what slave?  We’ve found us cheaper slaves.
So now we crack gigantically reckless champagne bottles,
Because it seems that we have ourselves a war.
Super tremendous,
Now the country’s Ego is up.
What sweet, true, Babylonian wisdom.
Watch it, and it surrounds you,
Evoking your every image 
Of what is real.
What is…
Factual, tainted, lies, you-thought-was-factual, more lies, more tainting,
Unspoken, mirthful, yet… vibrant,
Beautiful, hungry, alone, all factual,
Lost, un-forgiven, still formidable,
Loose, contradictory, you;
In confinement.
Of Spirit? Soul?
Listlessness.
Preoccupied impotence.
Another sense of noverythings.
Just for you, or whoever, really.
What is clever
But lurid, insipid, correspondent.
The ever looming figure of control
Staring you straight in the eye?
Your occupation stands rigid,
Upright,
Eye to eye,
Always apologetically in the right.
Sorry, we’re just doing our duty,
Thanks,
Because I really don’t completely despise the chains,
Especially since you were in the wrong,
Constitutionally speaking,
You FUCK!
Oh, I mean…
You gentle lamb.
Since time sped up,
And your evolution didn’t,
You wouldn’t be that figure, adamant as the times were.
You had to fit in, 
Your outrageousness really made you wonder why the others really didn’t take to you.
Justice, preached the egg and sperm donors.
Be all you can be, no matter what, or else.
And he thought that we might have to start thinking for
Ourselves,
Ones-self,
Each others’ selves.
As long as the totals count,
Twenty three with a pair or
Two or more, more.
The next step is…
Imagination without contempt,
You’ve seen it all,
It’s all there,
So why would you have to think about that?
That’s why there are people in charge,
For our comfort…
Yet the lower-caste have never exulted itself around true comfort.
They just reach and dream, and pray for it,
Doing nasty little self-preserving pieces of everyday nothings to do something to promote ones’ self.
Yet what if really, we were just the manifestation of God?
One day it dawned on him that all energy was related, 
No matter what they looked round and found,
But they kept on finding it until they were stroked into nothingness.
Where is the one, clear in his judgment,
Silently leading?
Where is the man that most can’t see?
What a treat.
I thank them for the sufferings.
I thank you for an extremely vague nod of approval.
They all learn me in one way or another,
They learn me up real good,
Yet you learn me subtractively,
Ever submissive, ever true.,
Ever doing cartwheels around the sands of reality.
Awestruck like the dying parasite,
Ever languishing over the food source, 
Mixing celebration with religion,
Patriotism with comfort,
Life, with evil.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

f1n15h3d

Finished

Like a space monkey you
Threw yourself at me,
Hampering to my every whim…
Now you want to threaten me with anger
And a suffocation that no longer even ghosts my radar.
I know the last thing that I should do is laugh,
But I can’t imagine any other way to react
In this state of mind.
It is my fault, of course.
I should have left you the little sister
You had always been to me.
You do need a big brother,
And I don’t need the drama,
It’s hard to even think about this for lack of worth,
And so I am finished with it,
And you.

latmehgo35

Let Me Go

We should talk about God more,
Fore God is the unknown,
The dry alcoholic,
The penniless man.
I feel the heavy hand right now,
But I am still correct.
I’ve spent all my virtuous acts
On the self depreciating fact of truth.
No one here wants it, they are all caught up in what little they have.
What is intellectual freedom?
They laugh at me.
What is your story?
They say,
What is your point?
Yet I think that I am smart enough to know that there isn’t a point.
There is only love,
And it keeps us still, 
But we can’t go on like this forever,
So go ahead and drive faster,
Just don’t let me go.

Hoa1V3m1553DU

How I’ve Missed You

She is back. 
She is back in my heart, throbbing. 
I am afraid.
I am exhilarated. 
I am terrified.
I feel guilt from two instances of the soul.
I can not answer questions.
The ground fell out.
I am losing control.
Everything is different now.
I am different now.
In one fraction of an instant,
The road is corrupted.
I am blind.
That rare subtle peace of mind is gone.
I am once again tortured.
I threw you away. 
I am playing with souls, while choking my own.
My voice is lost, my backbone bent dysfunctionally.
The block is gone;
My fate is altered and deterred.
I feel helpless, yet driven.
Insanity!
Fuck!

Gh05tuv3hD0u8t

Ghost of a Doubt

Goodbye.
The starlet is born.
Pray for a way,
But please don’t go.
I couldn’t be a hoot without you.
So this is a plea,
Not necessarily a bargain,
But a necessary means, 
For a necessary means.
Continuance,
A certain way of knowing,
Of ever questioning the controlling point.
So who’s in attendance?
I’ve waited for the day,
Day after day,
Mostly alone, 
Yet never in vain,
Insecurely,
We entertain the pain,
And I walk now entrapped,
Reduced to a grain,
Of sugar or salt,
Toss sand of over shoulder,
Time comes to a halt,
Yes, it is all of my fault,
Because my hearts in the vault
Of one who takes the situation lightly,
So flighty,
So frighteningly so.